Hurt
by Aeria
Summary: A post ATY fic: Sydney arrives home safe but how can she live without her one spark of hope??? Don't worry a happy ending is in store!


Title: Hurt  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Post ATY so yeah up until that.  
  
Disclaimer: Well, if you're a reader and you think I own this stuff, you're pretty daft and if you're a lawyer for Alias and you think that I think I own this you probably just as bad. Anyways, it's not mine and I'm only borrowing the characters because I know the chances of what I write happening are very unlikely.  
  
Summery: Post ATY. Just my take on what happens and how it all goes from there, also deals with the take down of SD-6  
  
Thanks: Well, since I live in oz, there aren't many ppl to thank but I must say my friend Sam who I sit with in class and talk about SD-6 with, it's very funny when someone asks us what it is and she says it's an additive in cereal. Hehehehe  
  
Author's Note: Well, first attempt at an Alias fic and I hope it is enjoyable, but hey, how would I know. Um, there will be 5 chapters: Burn, Choke, Shock Bite Delirium and don't worry it is a happy ending despite everything being named after such horrid things. Please review; as I will need, let's say at least 5 reviews to get me to post the next chapter, constructive criticism is appreciated.  
  
Chapter 1: Burn:  
  
1. To be on fire  
  
2. To contain fire  
  
3. To feel heat  
  
4. To glow like fire  
  
5. To feel strong passion  
  
6. To injure  
  
She'd escaped. She was on the run. It hadn't been much of a challenge; escaping. She'd sat there, hands and feet cuffed to the chair, while her mother told her that she was a mistake and that she was sorry for screwing up her life. Sydney had listened, but she felt detached, almost dead and when her mother had left her there, unattended and unharmed, Sydney knew that she was being allowed to escape.  
  
It hadn't taken her long to get away from the chair, the room, the building. The nightmare. Some simple manipulation of the locks and she was out. She'd pulled herself up through the air vent and made her way out of the building, without running into a single guard. Now, she was making her way to her father, to their meeting place, where, she hoped, she would find Will.  
  
She slowly walked, limping a little because of the gash that ran up her leg. She wasn't sure where she had attained the injury, but it was probably from the metal edges she'd rushed over in the air vents, all in her haste to escape something she couldn't run from. But she had made it, and that was what mattered. She refused to think of what she had lost, instead focusing on the fact that there, ahead of her, she saw the van and by it, her father.  
  
He tried to smile as she approached, but it came out as more of a grimace. "Where is Agent Vaughn?" he asked. Sydney merely shook her head slightly, trying to push the images that floated back to her out of her mind's eye where she would recall them crystal clearly.  
  
Will opened his door and got out of the car then walked towards her; his face mangled and bloody. "Sydney, what, what have you done with your self?" He seemed to be accusing her, seemed to be mad at her.  
  
She didn't know why. She didn't know what she had done wrong. "I want." she coughed as her voice came out as a rasp. "I want to go home," she said meekly.  
  
The three of them clambered back into the van and were soon driving towards the airport.  
  
Sydney arrived, with Will at her apartment soon after their plane had landed, her father staying outside in the car to keep watch. She'd made the trip without food or water and looked dirty, dehydrated and numb. Will followed her, his eyes boring holes into the back of her head, the conviction ringing true and clear for the first time. She opened the door and walked in.  
  
Almost immediately Francie was next to her, shooting questions about their whereabouts' and their shocking injuries. Silently, Sydney raised her eyes, her deep, hollow eyes and held up a hand. Francie abruptly stopped and sat down alongside Will on the couch  
  
"I.I owe you both an apology," she began.  
  
"Like hell you do! What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Will raged.  
  
Sydney shook her head, the conviction floating past her, not even registering. She didn't know what had happened to her, but she felt bad, very bad.  
  
Francie on the other hand was looking at Will as though he had just grown an extra head. Sydney noticed this and remarked: "Fran, he's right, I've lied to you guys and I completely understand if you want to leave and never hear of me again, but you can't. You need to go into protection for a while."  
  
"What?" Francie asked. And Sydney proceeded to tell Will and Francie about her life as a double agent, trying her best to leave out the gore and completely blocking any mention of Vaughn, not deliberately, but instinctively to stop the flood of emotions she was damming up behind her outer facade.  
  
At the end of it all, Will was pacing, looking very upset, "Syd, I don't get it, I can't believe you. All you are is a fucking bitch that thinks she can lie to her friends so that she can be a hoe for the fucking CIA and this SD-6. And now I have to go into witness protection! I'm leaving! Now!" So, Will up and left, slamming the door behind him and leaving Sydney looking upset and distraught yet still distant.  
  
She looked to Francie, her only friend left in the world. "I'm so sorry, I just didn't know what to do," she said.  
  
Francie's expression showed pity and Sydney was soon being cradled in her arms as she let out a whimper and a tear. "Shhhh.Sydney, it's not your fault. I think what you do is amazing, you protect your country and you still find the time to look after me. If Will wants to be an ass and act so stupid, who cares? Look, you're a mess, let's go up and get you a bath and a nice cup of tea and then we'll sleep in the same room and you can tell me all about it or we can just talk about." She stopped talking as Sydney's face became animated for the first time that night.  
  
"I, I don't want a bath, no cup of tea, let's just go to bed," she said, her eyes alive with fear.  
  
"Okay," Francie said slowly, aware of a nerve she'd just hit, "No bath, but at least let me clean you up and get you out of those cloths."  
  
Sydney looked down at herself, still in the black leather out fit and the blue hair; she nodded numbly and allowed herself to be supported as she walked upstairs to the bathroom. France brought her in a silky nightgown and left her to change. When she returned she found Sydney waiting, her face still dirty and tear-stained.  
  
Francie smiled at her and led her to the sink. She turned the tap on and let the water gush. It came as a shock to both of them when Sydney shrieked and scampered to the side of the room. "Syd, Syd, are you okay? It's only water, look I have to get you cleaned up eventually."  
  
"Not tonight," Sydney told her, her mind finally registering her reason for her avoidance and fear of a bath, a drink and the bridge on the way home. "Please," she pleaded as Francie watched her from the sink.  
  
"Fine, but first thing tomorrow, okay?" She didn't get an answer, because at that moment there was a nock downstairs and Sydney's father's voice floated up to them.  
  
"Sydney, you can stay here tonight, but tomorrow the two of you have to leave," her father made his way up the stairs and winced when he saw the large scratch covering Sydney's face. "We have twelve agents positioned around just in case."  
  
"What about SD-6," Sydney asked, "Without you and me, the CIA can't move closer to bringing them down." She spoke half-heartedly, but still with some interest. She felt that if she stopped caring about this, then there would be nothing left and she knew, from experience, that this was a bad place to be.  
  
"Sydney, I told you on the plane, over night half of SD-6's resources have been blown up by my.your mother, I've been thinking about it, and we might be able to get away with it. We might be able to shut them down if we act quickly. I have to leave, I'm meeting Devlin to talk to him about the possibility of a take down with-in the week." He smiled at her, "It might be over, darling. And then you can live a normal life."  
  
All Sydney could do was nod. Francie smiled apoplectically at her father before gently guiding Sydney towards her room. Once Sydney was laid down in bed, Francie went to get in with her, "Fran, I'll be fine, you should go and get some sleep, I don't think I will get very much. I honestly don't mind. I just have some things on my mind."  
  
Francie smiled at her and continued to get into the bed. "Look, Syd, if you can't sleep I won't either, so you may as well talk to me about what has been bothering you tonight, you can't just avoid all liquids for the rest of your life. What happened?"  
  
Sydney shook her head, biting her lip to stop the tears from welling up. "I can't Fran, I don't think I'll live if I even open my mind to it, yet alone my mouth, I just, I don't know anymore."  
  
"Syd, Syd, look, I think if you plan on getting on with your life then you should probably tell me, I'm your friend and I hope that know you can trust me enough to tell me everything now that I'm not under threat of death. With out leaving out detail or saying that it's going to kill you. You're strong and I don't just mean in the but-kicking way I only just found out about, Syd, you can live through anything, as long as you have that tiny spark of hope, that tiny possibility that something might happen. But to help you with that, I need to know what your hope is."  
  
Sydney rolled over to look at Francie, "It's hard, Francie, my hope's gone. I used to hope that Danny would propose and he did."  
  
"Syd"  
  
"No, that was my hope, my spark, then he did propose and he died because of me. Then my tiny hope, my spark was to take down SD-6, and that was something I could always say, this is why I am doing what I'm doing, and now that hope is gone too."  
  
"Yeah, that's right, because that hope has been achieved, I don't see what the problem is," Francie spoke softly, her eyes speaking depths of sympathy and shared pain.  
  
"No, you don't, my hope changed, it wasn't SD-6 anymore, it was something else that kept me going, something that made me get up in the morning and go to work and live this shit of a life."  
  
"Yeah, and that is." Francie prompted.  
  
"It was, he."  
  
Francie cut her off, "He? Will? That was your hope, that you and Will would be a couple?" Sydney was lucky that this wasn't her hope because Francie wasn't hiding her feelings regarding Will very well.  
  
"No...it wasn't Will, it was someone else, someone that I couldn't have, but that maybe, just maybe in the future I would get and that would make me happy, that was my hope, that Michael would eventually be mine," Sydney sobbed out, her façade breaking away slowly as she admitted to Francie and herself the extent of her feelings towards Vaughn.  
  
"Who was he?" Francie asked softly.  
  
"He was my handler, I couldn't have him, because it would have endangered both our lives and he would have lost his job. It was all against protocol. All those times that we got Joey's Pizza phone calls and I suddenly had to run out, I was with him learning my counter mission and on this mission, this unauthorised mission to save Will. He wasn't even told about it." Sydney moved her head slightly as her pillow became wet with her salty tears.  
  
"Syd, what are you talking about, if he didn't know, then."  
  
"He worked it out, he was the one person on the face of the earth that knew me well enough to see when I was lying and he tracked my down, he went to all my favourite places and he tracked me down. Then he came with us and he helped us and we actually had fun in the club he was, he was.it doesn't matter. And you knoew why," she questioned, her voice rising, "Because less than an hour later he drowned, he drowned while I just attacked the glass window between us. I should have gotten him out, I should have, but I was hit by a guard and when I looked up he was gone."  
  
Francie, looked at her. "He drowned inside a building?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll never see him again, get to hear his voice, watch his adorable face and never, not once will I be able to kiss him or hold him. I've screwed up big time and I have nothing left except you, is that enough? And you know what the worst thing is? The worst thing is I'll never know if he loved me and he'll never know that I loved him and I'll never know if we even had a chance at this. I came so close, SD-6 is about to be killed and he's dead. I don't know anymore, how many more sparks can I have before I burn my own hand?"  
  
"Oh Syd, look just get some sleep, it will all be fine in the morning. You're going to get some rest and then you're going to get up and realise that there are lots of men out here, better and easier to get to."  
  
Well, what did you think, I am demanding reviews for a new chapter, plz. Thank you, I hope it was okay. 


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